Loft of an Eldritch Metaphor

the crowded room problem

Posted on 20 Mar 2015

I am staring blankly at the screen, and what a coincidence, because the new document I am staring at is also a blank document. We both are not connected by blood, and it is impossible for a man to have familial relationship with a silicon-based machinery. However, the blankness we both express at the same moment somewhat could make us brothers in arm. I am fist-bumping this computer, but just like any unrequited love, my fistbump is unheeded. But for the sake of the argument, let’s just pretend that this computer automagically searches a picture of a fistbump on the internet to approve my logic that we are brothers in arm.

Still we both in the state of being blank. Oh, it is actually 9 PM. I am supposed to do my assignment. I glance sidelong to the right, I am seeing a girl with full, black frame glasses sitting atop my printer. No she is not that hot, but a very polite girl with hair tied back. Black hair, shoulder-length. And to quote Colin Singleton (An Abundance of Katherines), that girl has “that kind of puppy-dog face with the big brown eyes and drooping eyelids that just sort of make you want to take care of her”, but this is not going to happen because she exists as an illusion that only my eyes perceive, not a physical person that I could invite her for a coffee break. Between her hands there is a Kindle PaperWhite, just like the one I have. OK cool, we share the same hobby: reading. Oh my god I am about to leave my blank document and ask her for a date at the library, hands intertwined, and another hand holding the Kindle reading the book, and what a nerdy date that would be!

It is 9:15 PM. My blank document is getting angrier at me because I am supposed to finish my assignment. It is due in 2 more hours, and it is still a blank page. I slap my face, and now I am about to type “confocal microscopy assignment 9”, but suddenly I hear a loud, banging boom out of nowhere, a screaming that could possibly destroy the population of bats because bats can get really confused if there are too much sound waves to and fro, their echolocation fails to navigate their wings, and possibly those poor bats would end their life by face-walling every possible wall that they might run into.

Where those screams come from? I swing my chair to the left, and I see neon and argon lights criss-crossing, and I see desktop computers being lined in grid pattern, and I see people staring so passionately at the computer screen, and they scream and scream. Oh, I am seeing a LAN party, couple of cool dudes playing video games. I enjoy the scenery, and with each mouse click and keyboard press the intensity intensifies, the screams have grown louder but no louder than a screaming woman during labor, and the argon and neon lights do nothing but enchanting my eyes to gravitate to the earth.

And the blank document grows impatient, it performs a trickery one couldn’t see it is coming. It yanks the keyboard cable pretty hard and fast, and the keyboard hits the monitor, and suddenly the keyboard hits squarely on my right hand as it is a hammer striking my bones, and it successfully deprives my attention to the screams. To my realization, it is 9:45 PM, and the word document is still blank. I slap my face again, now twice per second. I am about to write “confocal microscopy assignment 9” but to no avail the phone is ringing.

“Hello. Aizan’s here. I just slapped my face twice, and the word document is still blank, but go ahead and say your prayer, and then ask me if I could help you or not, but I won’t promise I can help, but still to feed my ego just ask away.”

My friend is on the phone, asking me if I could come over to exorcise the wild frog appeared out of thin air. Sure I can help. I graduated from high school with a diploma in amphibian exorcism. Unfortunately, the blank document in front of me right now denies the luxury of time for me to exorcise the frog, and if I do help my friend, the blank document would go even blanker by disconnecting itself from the power source.

And this is basically my story when I want to study.

I tweaked my sleep-wake cycle 4 days ago. Sleep at 11 PM, wake up at 3 AM, and enjoy the bliss when it is too quiet, even I can hear my thoughts spinning in my head, and my fountain pen won’t complain, and the blank document gets all the love it wants.

It is 3 AM. No more crowded room problem, but it can virtually exist. For every social account being an active tab on my browser, I am inviting way more people into my room, and for every YouTube video, I even invited actors or artists or random guy to be in my room. Quiet 3 AM won’t be quiet anymore if people are barging into my room, traveling through the high-speed internet connection.

Close the door. I mean, close ALL the doors.